Good For The Goose: Enough For The Gander Read online

Good for the Goose

  Enough for the Gander

  By Yas Niger

  Copyright 2013 Yas Niger

  ***

  This is a work of fiction and it is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

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  * * *

  Table of contents

  Prologue: Synopsis

  Characters & keys

  Scene One

  Scene Two

  Scene Three

  Scene Four

  Scene Five

  Scene Six

  The poem

  About the author

  Prologue: Synopsis

  This play was written for radio but would suitably serve as a staged play. There is a subtle new trend that is recently becoming evident amongst educated couples in emerging developing economies. The previously traditional conservative chauvinistic denial that had seen husbands out rightly refusing to let their spouses pursue every twist and turn in their preferred public careers, has been unnoticeably replaced with a highly misconstrued make-believe cooperation.

  It presents the modern wife with hopes that are still quite limited by her very own, age old self-shackling desire to be the good wife/mother firstly, and not practically her spouse’s economic and intellectual inability to dictate to her. He is limited to exploiting her only by relying solely on this one over-powering desire of hers.

  In a modern African cosmopolitan suburb reside two couples, who are very close flat neighbours. The younger couple is a newly married pair, while the much older couple already has teenage children. Though both men are gainfully employed, their equally well educated spouses are uncomfortably unemployed housewives.

  The articulated relationship the middle-aged couple had willingly shared with a highly principled civil society worker culminated in a genuine praxis that jarred both couples’ older and newer marriages with a reasonably honest intellectual quake of sincerity. The experience is a rude awakening for both couples.

  The play is set about only two of these couples’ normally quiet mornings.

  Characters & keys

  CHARACTERS:

  DENISE (Di): A young educated newly married working class man.

  MONICA (Moni): Denise’s graduate unemployed young wife.

  ALEX (Baba Dayo): An educated middle aged working class man.

  TITI (Mama Dayo): Alex’s educated long time faithful house wife.

  DAYO: Alex and Titi’s last of four children.

  TETUMA: A well traveled single, female middle aged civil society worker.

  KEYS:

  SFX: Sound effects

  INT: Inside

  OFF: Off set

  b/g: Backgound sounds

  Scene One

  INT, Morning

  b/g (A sudden loud crash of cooking utensils followed by slamming doors)

  DENISE: (OFF) Moni! Moni! Moni. What was that noise?

  MONICA: I heard it too. It must have come from next door.

  DENISE: I will put on a shirt and find out what is happening.

  SFX (Light clatter of cooking utensils and splashing water)

  b/g (Hurried footsteps)

  MONICA: Hey, don’t go looking for an excuse not to go to church today!

  DENISE: (OFF) Now, whatever made you think that?

  MONICA: Oh because, I know what an old fashioned husband I married.

  DENISE: (OFF) Old fashioned?!

  MONICA: Defiantly so, regrettably.

  DENISE: (OFF) I would have thought old fashioned people are church going?

  MONICA: Not if they’re vibrant and enterprisingly modern too.

  DENISE: (OFF) Anymore?!

  MONICA: And…principled in an old conservative way.

  DENISE: (OFF) And I’m all these?!

  MONICA: Believe me!

  DENISE: (Chuckles) Very funny. Honestly, the thought never crossed my mind.

  MONICA: (Scoffs) Oh yeah!?

  DENISE: (Clearer) Not when I have such a very bright young lady for my wife.

  MONICA: Hmm…flattery?!

  DENISE: Women love to imagine all simple truths are flattery.

  MONICA: By all means, keep the simple truths coming sir.

  DENISE: You’ve a simple minded perspective of life.

  MONICA: (Giggles) Hmm. Sorry sir, but you are not there yet.

  DENISE: Faithful, intelligent, liberal, kind and civilized.

  MONICA: Qualities for the job I gather?

  DENISE: And after my heart. (Chuckles)

  MONICA: (Rustling clothing) You really want me to believe, you actually didn’t think of dodging church today?

  DENISE: I didn’t.

  MONICA: (Laughs) That is a first.

  DENISE: Nothing should give a young newly wedded couple more pride than parading themselves in public, my dearest wife.

  MONICA: You do mean ‘The young Bride’, don’t you?

  DENISE: (Chuckles) Hmm…Yes!

  b/g (They both laugh curtly)

  MONICA: But really, when you smelt the delicious breakfast cooking nicely, you must have stayed back, eyes shut and unclean in bed, anticipating our inevitable ‘Lets go to church debate’; didn’t you?

  DENISE: (Chuckles) It was rather long in coming today.

  MONICA: I knew you were clearly contemplating your debating options when you didn’t respond to your tastes buds’ and gossiping belly’s bidding.

  DENISE: (Chuckles) Kill joy.

  MONICA: Oh your plot was quite obvious, because you knew it might belie your blatant intention to stay home on this lazy sunny Sunday morning if you acted like a simple silly fish to the simplest bait? (Shrieks fondly)

  DENISE: (Laughs) You are incorrigible.

  b/g (Crashing sounds again, simultaneously accompanied by a loud scream)

  MONICA: Di?

  DENISE: I’ll see what’s happening. (OFF) You stay here!

  b/g (Hurried footsteps, creaking door)

  MONICA: I’m coming too!

  DENISE: (OFF) No, just stay there!

  b/g (Muffled voices and fast footsteps)

  Scene Two

  INT

  b/g (A rush of fast footsteps)

  ALEX: (OFF) And I can’t have a say in all this?

  TETUMA: (OFF) Sure you can.

  ALEX: (OFF) So this is it then, I am having my say!

  b/g (Creaking door)

  TETUMA: Having your say isn’t the same as ordering people about.

  ALEX: I do as I please in my own home!

  TETUMA: Surely you mean, make others do as you please?

  DENISE: (Clears throat) Good morning.

  ALEX: I’m demanding that you leave this instant!

  TETUMA: I insist you hear me out first.

  DENISE: Sorry, I…

  ALEX: I’ve heard enough!

  TETUMA: But I’m yet to make my point.

  DENISE: (Louder) Good morning sir.

  ALEX: I know your point.

  TETUMA: I haven’t made it yet.

  ALEX: It is insinuated in your carriage and character.

  TETUMA: Then let me put it into words too, for clarity’s sake.

  ALEX: Don’t worry, it is clear enough.

  TETUMA: You should let me put it in the words too; so as not to be misconstrued.

  ALEX: That is not possible where you and I are concerned.

  TETUMA: So you’re of the impression that you know me quite well?
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  ALEX: Believe me, I know your sort so very well.

  TETUMA: Really now?

  DENISE: (Coughs) Sir, I hope…

  ALEX: You can’t make me hear what I don’t want to hear!

  TETUMA: So what do you have, a sole franchise for bullying?

  DENISE: I hope there is no problem?

  TETUMA: Not with me.

  DENISE: Sorry sir, but we heard the noise and your front door was ajar.

  ALEX: Please Denise, kindly tells this woman to leave.

  DENISE: Sorry?

  TETUMA: Young man, do I in any way at all, look like trouble?

  DENISE: Sorry? I…, I’m…

  ALEX: Tell her to leave!

  b/g (A child’s muffled cries)

  DAYO: (OFF) Mummy! Mummy!

  b/g (Door creaks, hurried footsteps)

  DENISE: Morning Mama Dayo.

  TITI: (Barely audible) Good morning Denise.

  b/g (Creaking door, door clicks shut)

  ALEX: You’re infringing on our privacy!

  TITI: (OFF) It is okay dear. Mummy’s here.

  TETUMA: I’m here with your wife’s consent.

  ALEX: It is my house too!

  TETUMA: At least you acknowledge it is hers also!

  b/g (Muffled cries continue)

  ALEX: Why are you doing this?!

  TETUMA: That, my dear Mr. Alex, is your question to answer.

  ALEX: Please leave.

  TETUMA: There we go again. (Sighs) Are you going to just stand there?!

  DENISE: I’m sorry?

  TETUMA: Oh, so am I.

  b/g (Muffled cries continues)

  TITI: (OFF) Okay…okay. (Impatiently) Okay now!

  ALEX: Denise, please tell her to leave now!

  TETUMA: Please tell this fellow, to calm down and be updated!

  DENISE: But I…

  TETUMA: Or are you just going to remain standing there like a lost vendor?!

  ALEX: Can you believe this? She remains in my house, calmly seated in my favourite armchair and sipping my coffee, totally mindless of my displeasure!

  DENISE: Please madam, why don’t you just leave?

  TETUMA: (Sips) This is good Coffee.

  b/g (Muffled cries continues)

  DAYO: (OFF) Mummy!

  TITI: (OFF) Shhh.

  DENISE: Madam?!

  ALEX: God!

  TETUMA: I think its best you keep Him out of this.

  ALEX: Who? Denise!?

  TETUMA: Your chauvinistic perception of a supreme deity; God!

  ALEX: Miss Tetuma, please leave my house this instant!

  b/g (Muffled cries cease)

  DENISE: Madam please…

  ALEX: Don’t make me do something we will both regret later!

  TETUMA: (Loudly) I dare you!

  DENISE: It’s